Social relationships
By Huynh Dinh Te
The desire to achieve harmony between the self and the non-self remains an
essential preoccupation of the Vietnamese in interpersonal relations outside the
family group. The basic principles underlying family relationships is extended
to the relationships between members of wider social groups. The concept of
society as an extension of the family is evident in the transposition into
social usage of a language originally intended for domestic life. Vietnamese
uses more than a score of kinship terms as personal pronouns. The choice of the
appropriate word depends on the relative age, social status, gender, degree of
acquaintance, respect, and affection between speakers and hearers who are not
related to each other by blood or marriage.
In Vietnamese society, the predominant sentiment in the relation between
members of a social group is respect. This is particularly evident in the
attitude towards older people. Respect and consideration for old age no doubt
derive from the obligation of filial piety that requires young people to respect
and love their parents and parent-like members of the family. Vietnamese also
recognize that a long life is a sign of kindness and regard on the part of the
deity for virtuous people, and that the elders are the carriers of tradition and
the embodiment of knowledge and wisdom. Old people enjoy high respect in
Vietnamese society, irrespective of wealth, education, or social position. This respect
is expressed in both attitude and behavior, particularly in the use of special
terms of address and stylistic devices. Unlike Western societies that put a
premium on youth, Vietnamese society is proud of its old members. Age is an
asset, not a liability.
Teachers, even though they are young, enjoy great respect and prestige in
Vietnamese society. In Vietnam the student-teacher relationship retains much of
the quality of a son's respect for his father's wisdom and of father's concern
for his son's welfare. The respect that students show to the teachers is also
evident in linguistic behavior. The terms of address that students use in
speaking to their teachers are the same as those they use in speaking to their
parents.
Respect is expressed in the form of courtesy and in the effort to spare
others from the humiliation of losing face. Face is extremely important for the
Vietnamese. The individual who loses face will have to endure public ridicule
and derision in the midst of his community. Furthermore, the family shares any
social disgrace incurred by the individual.
Linguistic devices are one of the many ways that allow the Vietnamese speaker
to save face and at the same time allow others to save face. Depreciatory terms
are applied to oneself and complimentary terms are used for others. He practice
of "beating about the bush" to avoid answering a request in the
negative, and the tendency of the Vietnamese student to say yes to questions
asked by his teacher stem from this preoccupation with saving face.
"You and I" in Vietnamese
In America, people put emphasis on friendliness in interpersonal
relationships while in Vietnamese society the emphasis is more on respect. We
may say without fear of error that respect is the cornerstone of interpersonal
relationship in Vietnamese society, whether in the family or in social circles,
whether on the employment scene or between friends and lovers. This is reflected
in the language used by Vietnamese in their daily life.
In making an utterance, Vietnamese simultaneously expresses ideas and
concepts and an attitude of respect (or disrespect) towards the hearer. This
expression is natural because it is inherent in the nature of the words used,
and generally neither the speaker nor the hearer are conscious of it. But, if
the speaker unintentionally (or purposely) uses a word reflecting an attitude of
disrespect, the hearer will instantly realize it and react to it accordingly.
American people use only word, the word yes, to express agreement and this
word is neutral as to respect or disrespect. Of course, an answer with the mere
word yes lacks the courtesy conveyed by a longer answer such as "Yes, I
am"; "Yes, he did"; or "Yes, Mr. Brown". On the
contrary, the Vietnamese speaker must choose between Da., Va^ng, Pha?i to
express agreement. No well-bred Vietnamese would use � as an answer in
talking to his parents, older people, his teacher, his superior, or monks and
priests. In Vietnamese, other people invite us to xo+i ("eat rice" or
"take a meal"), but in replying, we must say that we have already or
not yet �n (eat) and not xo+i. How complicated it is!
The difference between the linguistic behavior of American and Vietnamese
people can be seen in the use of personal names. In writing a letter to a person
who is not known, to ask for information or to apply for a job, example,
Arnericans will usually use the term Dear followed by the person name (the last
name, it should be noted); this shows courtesy and friendliness. Vietnamese
people, by contrast, use only terms expressing respect such as k�nh,
k�nb tb�a . . and never address the person by name, for this would
convey an impolite, disrespectful attitude. Consequently, "Dear Mr.
Brown" is not "O^nag Brown than men" but simply "Thus o^nag"
or "Kin o^nag" ("respected gentleman").
In American society where almost nobody knows anybody else, even people
living in the same apartment complex, mentioning the name of the interlocutor
shows that one is interested in and friendly toward him/her, the evidence of
which is to be found in the remembering of his/her name. Consequently to show
that they are courteous and friendly, American people usually mention the name
of the interlocutor in their greetings. (i.e. "good morning, Mr.
Brown" or "good-bye, Miss Green" when speaking to people who are
not close friends, and "good morning, Bill" or "goodbye,
Susie" when speaking to friends. In Vietnamese society, almost everybody
knows the name of everybody else living in the same community. The neighbors
(called "la'ng gie^`ng") are often considered as friends or relatives.
In greeting, speakers avoid mentioning the name of the interlocutors, especially
those who are senior in age or status
. They are called by name only when they are close friends or junior in age
or status. It is easy to imagine the cultural misunderstandings that might arise
from first encounters between Vietnamese and Americans.
In Vietnamese, special respect is conveyed by using function-words for
respect when addressing persons such as parents, old people, teachers. monks and
priests, and superiors. The verbal response begins with a function-word such as
"da.", "thu+a", "da. tbu+a", "ki'nh
tbu+a". Therefore the word "da.", often translated as yes, is
actually a function-word showing respect and does not necessarily indicate
agreement.
Personal pronouns are a word class in Vietnamese which best reflects this
preoccupation with expressing respect or disrespect for other people in
language. American people have one word for you to address parents, brothers and
sisters, wife and children, friends and foes, and even animals. Likewise, they
have only the word I (or its inflected form me) to refer to themselves when
speaking. How converlient it is! But at the same time those words lack the
ability to express feelings of respect or disrespect of tee Vietnamese personal
pronouns. People who are senior in age or status are usually referred to with
such term of respect as cu., o^ng, ba'c, chu', anh, tha^`y, cha, ba`, co^.
People younger than the speaker, or who have a lower status, are usually
addressed or referred to with the terms anh, chi., chu', em, cha'u, con. To show
anger and disdain, the terms ma`y, mi... might be used, and fawning is shown by
the use of nga`i or cu. Io+'n.
By observing the use of the terms of respect in Vietnamese, people can guess,
to a certain extent, the personality and good manners of the speaker as well as
the relationship between speaker and hearer. The use of these words which
function as personal pronouns is a very delicate matter that depends on the
speaker correctly assessing the relative age, status, and degree of intimacy
between speaker and hearer. A man and a woman, at their first acquaintance, will
call each other o^ng and to^i (or co^ and to^i). But as the degree of intimacy
reaches the level of love, the term o^ng is replaced by anh and the term tp^i
will become em. When love is lost, they will revert to the initial �ng
and t�i. In some cases where anger, hatred, and lack of self-control
prevail, o^ng may become ma`y and to^i may become tao. The terms anh/em and
ma`y/tao are separated by a Great Wall of feelings and emotions.
Terms of address such as b�c, cb�, and anh are perhaps the most
difficult to use in Vietnamese because they can express opposing feelings and
sentiments. According to the context, they may express respect or disdain,
familiarity or contempt. Perhaps they are much more difficult to use than the
French words tu/toi which also can express either intimacy or contempt. When we
address a stranger tu/toi, the only feeling conveyed is obviously contempt. But
a Vietnamese addressing a stranger as b�c may mean respect (considering
him on the same footing as our father's elder brother), familiarity and
affection (regarding him as his uncle), or outright contempt (looking down on
him as having a low social status).
The expression of respect (or contempt) is inherent in the structure of
Vietnamese. In using Vietnamese, we cannot overlook this essential feature of
Vietnamese culture which is the expression of respect in language.
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